Fire Up The Quattro

Two doors and a conventional boot had rendered my E92 BMW 335i about as impractical as it was fantastic to drive.

After a year and a half's ownership, the search was now on to find it's successor...


All interesting car purchases start the same, a good brainstorm with the lads down the boozer, this one was no different. I had quite a challenging brief for what the car needed to achieve; on par with the 335i on performance, 5 doors, cheaper tax than the 335i (<£505/yr back in 2017), reliable, premium, no older than 2006.

After some discussion, one of my mates piped up saying he'd been lusting after the S5 Sportback, praising it's sleeker profile over it's Coupe sibling. I'd toyed with the idea of a Audi S5 Coupe when buying the 335i, but they remained just out of reach of my budget. After some furious prodding I'd configured AutoTrader's Android app search preferences. Much like the Rebel Alliance in the first Star Wars film, I'd found A New Hope, this time round they were coming in on budget.


Like a kid on Christmas morning I lined up a few test drives. The less said about the first couple the better, suffice to say that engine and trim parts in the boot doesn't inspire confidence.

I pulled into the quiet industrial estate in Corby expecting the worst, albeit encouraged by the name of the company, Andy Page's Performance Cars.

Reaffirming my theory that anyone with the name Andy must be a darn decent chap, the car looked immaculate in the brightly lit, white walled show room. The photo's don't really do the car justice, the optional Meteor Grey paintwork is lusciously deep with a high shine, and the optional 20" wheels balance the proportions perfectly. On closer inspection, the reason the car looked so good despite it's 6 years of service, was that the original owner had stumped up for Audi's Protect and Care Body Care package.






Trying to remain level headed, and suppress the Cheshire cat like grin threatening to give away my excitement, I gave the car a good looking over and flicked through the paperwork. All appeared to be in order, and the vitally important S Tronic gearbox oil service had been carried out according to the Audi service schedule.

As with the exterior, the interior was immaculate as well, not even the slightest of blemishes in the black silk Nappa leather super sport seats, although not the Magma red spec I'd hoped for, the silver decorative stitch combined with the aluminium finishers adds contrast that lifts the solid black interior.


Ever since I'd watched the BBC series Ashes to Ashes I'd hoped one day to be able to utter those immortal words of Gene Hunt, today was that day, it was time to Fire Up The Quattro. Alright it's not a 1983 Quattro and I'm not Gene Hunt but still.

The car started effortlessly and occupied itself with the start-up map, once it'd dropped to a consistent rpm I tested for any smoke by giving it a rev and having my old man check the tailpipes.

Unfortunately for Mr Page, when he'd cleaned the car some suds had gotten in the tailpipes, and when I revved it, I rather made a mess of his lovely clean floor and walls...


Once Andy finished mopping up we set out on the test drive. The car drove beautifully, did everything it should and sealed the deal for me, I had to have it.





Back at base, we agreed all four corners would get new Pagid brake discs and pads, that he'd do an oil and filter service, MOT and a 6 month / 6000mi warranty, then shook hands to seal the deal. I'd be able to pick Monty - don't ask why I decided on this name but it seemed to suit - up in a week or so.

Everyone likes an arbitrary list of specs, so I shan't disappoint;

Mileage: 49,541
Engine: 3.0l Supercharged V6
Power: 333PS (329 bhp) @ 5500-7000
Torque: 440 N·m (325 lbf·ft) @ 2900-5300
0-62mph: 5.4s
mpg: umm yup...

For a 1,755 kg lump of metal, the performance is pretty darn impressive. Not just mechanically impressive either, the car is well equipped. I managed to find a copy of The Audi A5 and S5 Sportback Pricing and Specification Guide from a quick Google and tilled up the options.

Audi S5 Sportback	£ 40,125.00
Meteor Grey Paint	£ 600.00
20” x 9J ‘7-arm Double-spoke’ Alloy Wheels	£ 1,100.00
Audi Drive Select	£ 215.00
Dynamic Steering	£ 710.00
Audi quattro Sports Differential	£ 605.00
Damper Control	£ 295.00
Bang & Olufsen Speakers	£ 525.00
Technology Package – High	£ 1,955.00
Mobile Telephone Preparation	£ 255.00
Audi Music Interface	£ 250.00
Storage Package	£ 175.00
Heated Front Seats	£ 275.00
Audi Parking System Plus	£ 320.00
Total	£ 47,405.00

Ouch, clearly the first owner was feeling rather flush at the time of purchase.

Needless to say, at the first opportunity I treated Monty to a thorough clean, without further ado, some post wash goodness.










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